Are Parisians rude?
Are we? Yes. And no. Maybe you’re the rude one.
Before you close this article, let me explain. I need to develop this idea.
When you are in another country, in contact with another culture, you have to understand that concepts like polite, nice, rude, inappropriate, or décalé may be different from your own. Even though we all know this, sometimes we forget it when we travel. We expect people to behave the way people behave in our hometown.
Despite these global times, each city in the world still has its own way of doing things.
I have to explain the social conventions of The City of Light so that you can understand the locals and, most importantly, navigate the city better every time you come here.
Number One: Manners
This is super important.
If you don’t show the basic courtesy that is essential to Parisians, you risk being treated poorly. The first words you need to learn in French are: bonjour (hello), s’il vous plaît (please), and merci (thank you).
If you don’t use these basic expressions, you are being abrupt. It doesn’t matter if you seek help with a smile or with a sweet voice. If you don’t say s’il vous plaît, you are probably not going to get what you requested.
Talking about a sweet voice…
I’ve noticed that some adult women, when they are trying to get what they want or when they are insisting on asking for a service that has already been denied, they talk in the tone of a six-year-old girl.
Please don’t do that here.
It won’t help you. On the contrary, here it is considered ridiculous for a woman to infantilize herself. It is not perceived as sweet, harmless, or sexy.
Our idea of a sexy woman in Paris is someone who is independent, self-confident, and adult.
Two: Bonjour Is a Password
Parisians come with a password. If you don’t say it, you cannot unlock the conversation.
The password is: bonjour.
If you make a request without saying bonjour first, you’re the rude one. You are implying that you lack politeness. Parisians enjoy pointing out mistakes, so they will let you know right away. Most probably, they will simply answer with bonjour. If you ask for help in three different ways and the only word you hear back is bonjour, that means you haven’t said it yet.
Just say bonjour first.
Three: Don’t Expect Everyone to Speak English
Do not expect everybody to know English, because they don’t have to. For a tourist guide, a hotel host, or the person at the information desk at the airport, communicating in English may be a requirement of the job. The rest of the people in Paris are not obliged to know English.
Paris is a very touristic city, but it is not a theme park where the inhabitants are members of the staff. For the bus driver, the police officer, and even the waiter, it’s not a must to speak English.
In Paris, it is discourteous to enter a place and start asking for something right away without saying bonjour. It is even more impolite if you do it in a foreign language.
So here are some simple formulas in French that will open many doors for you during your next interactions with the locals:
A very simple way to start a conversation:
Bonjour, parlez-vous anglais ?
Meaning: “Hello. Do you speak English?”
If it’s too hard, and you are only going to be here for a weekend:
Just say:
Bonjour. Anglais ?
Meaning: “Hello. English?”
If you wish to be treated even better:
Bonjour. Je ne parle pas français, parlez-vous anglais ?
Meaning: “Hello. I don’t speak French. Do you speak English?”
This will be a total game changer.
You are saying a simple sentence, but you are also implying that you respect their culture and language. You are making the bare minimum effort to communicate, and you are not assuming that they must speak the language of Shakespeare.
If you follow my advice, you’ll discover that Parisians are not necessarily rude.
They just love manners.
Parisian manners.
Photos: Jacques Julien